Friday, December 12, 2008

Me Either

Have you ever had one of those mornings where you wake up and you're just not sure where you are? You wake up, very confused and end up hitting your head on the bed above you, realizing you're in a bunk bed. Trying to be very sly, you grab ahold of the bottom of the bed and lean out to see if anyone is sleeping on the top bunk, and if so who they are. Of course, like most plans, nothing goes accordingly. You fall out of the bed with a loud thump and a silent scream in pain. You look around for something that might be yours, but all you find is a pair of shoes. You put them on, and quietly leave, still confused. As you close the door, you hear someone call your name, but you ignore it. Have you ever have that happened to you? No. Oh. Well me either.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Mom & Dad

People are often telling me how much I hate my parents. How much I disrespect them. How unthankful I am for all that they have done. But to be completely honest, I love my parents, I do respect them, and I am thankful for all that they have done. How could I not love my parents. I hate how people think they know more about me than I know about myself. How is that possible? I love my parents. Yea, we argue, but who doesn’t. People say that I do nothing to show how much I love my parents, but there are plenty of things that I do that go unnoticed, and I’m fine with that. I try and call them once a week, because I know my mother is constantly thinking about me. And when I talk to my mom, she says I don’t listen, but I listen to every word she says. I listen to her problems, and when she is finished I tell her how she can do anything she wants, and how she shouldn’t let people walk all over her. Also, when people ask me whom I admire most, I always say my parents. Over the years I have seen my mom grow into a strong independent woman who is willing to speak her mind, and tell people just exactly how she feels. I’m proud of her for that, even though she still thinks she’s a doormat. As for my Dad, he dropped out of high school, and has been working hard ever since. Everything I am fortunate to have I owe to him. Because of their hard work my family has become a comfortable middle class family. A middle class family that is looking forward to the help the President Obama is going to give us. I love my parents a lot. Yea, I may not say it enough. Yea, I may act like a brat sometimes (but everyone does, and those that say they don’t are always the brattiest). Yea, we may fight and bicker, but what family doesn’t, what hard working family doesn’t. I don’t hate my parents. How do I know this? Because I know who I am, and I know how I feel best, no one else. Without my parents I wouldn’t be here. All I think about is if I make them proud. And I hope that one day I will, if they haven’t given up on me all together.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Chuck...Watch it

It is Monday night at 8, homework, is either complete or pushed to the side, and the TV is turned on. So what do you watch? There is Prison Break, which should have neded afte its first season. CBS and CW comedies, which are some what enjoyable. Dancing With the Stars on ABC, which if you have seen one season you have seen them all. Or Chuck on NBC. Chuck is what some would call a dramedy, which is a mix of drama and comedy. It has action, suspense, humor, and good fun all around. Chuck is about a guy named, well, Chuck. He is a computer geek working for the nerd herd, when one night his ex-college roomate sends him an e-mail. When Chuck opens this e-mail he instantly learns all of the govenrments secrets which are encoded within millions of images. Now at any moment, the smallest thing can set Chuck's brain into full throttle. Chuck doens't understand what has happened to him, but when he meets up with undercover spies from the CIA, he quickly learns just how valuable he is. Each episode shows Chuck working with the undercover spies helping to bring down terrorist groups and other sneaky bad guys. Chuck is definently one of the better shows out there this fall season. SO WATCH IT, while its still around.

Mamie Johnson

I often think about how my life was 15 years ago. It was so simple. My Granny was still alive. She was the sweetest woman I've ever known. She loved me so much and i loved going over to see her. She was always prepared to make me some soup or mayonnaise and crackers, mmmmm. I remember when she had her knee surgery she had to live with us, since my drunk uncle of couldn't take proper care of her. I stayed by her bedside, getting her whatever she needed. She called me her little doctor. Maybe thats why i always have the constant urge to fix things, solve problems, repair relationships. When she died I was one said eight year old. I always felt that song, "holes in the floor of heaven," was about me. I'm pretty sure I cried for two days straight, and the worst part was that i hadn't been allowed to see her one last time. Instead my nanny picked me up from the babysitter and told me my parents were at the hospital and I couldn't go. That night i fell asleep in my parents bed, hugging Mr. Bear as tight as possible. The next morning when I woke up, i saw my parents coming towards their room. As soon as i saw them, their faces said it all. I began to cry. I often wonder if she hadn't died, what she would think of me now? Would she be proud? Would she approve of me? Would I have turned out differently if she had been there all of my life. I still miss her. I can't believe its been 10 years. Life has gotten a lot more complicated. Life has become busy, filled with appointments and deadlines. Life has become about working hard in order to see the ones you love. Maybe one day I'll get to see my Granny again. It's a nice thought. Although every time it rains, I know it's just my granny, looking down, wishing she could be here now. Like I said, it's a nice thought. It's a nice thought.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

"Yes We Can"

Goose bumps. A tingling. The feeling of something great happening. The feeling of experiencing something great happening. These were the feelings I felt as Obama gave his victory speech. He truly is an amazing man. I know many people have different opinions of our next president, but as he said he is your president, and he wants to help everyone. Not only is this moment great, because I truly believe that America has made the right choice, but because it shows how far our nation has come. Even though we still have a ways to go, this shows the world that we can look past race, and see someone for how great they really are. I'm not saying that if you voted for McCain and you're white you're racist. Thats incredibly stupid to say. McCain is a great man, i can admit that and I know he has served our country in so many ways. This moment that I'm in, I will remember it forever. This moment in our nation, is a great moment and it should mean something to everyone. We live in a great nation, that only continues to get better. I know that with Obama as President we can do anything, "Yes We Can." President Obama "Yes We Can."

Saturday, November 1, 2008


The other day someone asked me what time was. I thought, "Time is always racing towards us," "Never ending," and "never late." Since they asked me that question, I have begun to think about my life corresponding with time. I realized that my life is going by so fast. It feels like yesterday I was a senior in High School, having an awesome year with my amazing friends, and that I had my life all figured out. Now I'm a sophomore in college, far away from those amazing friends, but with new amazing friends none-the-less, and I don't have everything figured out. I think that it's best that way some how. If my life was figured out it would be so boring, with no surprises. I just wish that it would slow down, and that deadlines would become more sparse. They play a big part in making time fly. If only weekends could last forever. If only now could last forever. I'm not afraid to get old, youth is internal, I just don't want more responsibility. I want to always think positive and have hope for a brighter future. Now, right now, anything feels possible. I will be a successful journalist. I will create a successful television show. I will do great things. As time passes we lose that hope. That hope of all things being possible, and that if we truly believe in it we can do it. thats why I'm taking it slow. That's why I'm going to take it all in. Thats why I'm not going to let it pass, but instead I'm going to enjoy time, while it's still in reach. This is my time.

Friday, October 24, 2008


I thought I had it figured out....thats what i get for thinking.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


It's strange. I never thought it were true. But it is. It's there. I can feel it. I know it. Sometimes I can see it. So it's definitely there. But why. Why is it there? Why did it get there? WHY WON'T IT LEAVE? If someone doesn't want something why would they still have it. Throw it away. Get rid of it. Make it stop. But it doesn't. It reaches up and takes hold of everything. It grasps everything. It doesn't let go. It won't let go. And then it sinks it. It becomes accepted. The fighting stops and it become accepted. It becomes you. But then, out of nowhere, it lets go, for just a second and then it grabs back on. But hope arises and the fight continues once again. But this time it's more violent. The blows are harder and the mind overflows with confusion. It gets cloudy, so cloudy that nothing is visible. And it repeats. Over and over until it becomes routine. Until it becomes to much. And then, and're trapped. You're trapped. You are trapped. I am trapped.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

RA Life-Episode One

It's the first night with residents and I am, once again, responding to a resident who's JAC card is not letting them into their dorm. This time however, three of my fellow RA's join me in this latest quest. I, as usual, am in the back of the pack when the three in front of me suddenly stop. At first I'm confused. The girl that was locked-out was through the next door, not in the hallway that we had all just frozen in. Then it hit me. It was this kind of sweet grassy smell. I closed my eyes and took it in. It had been so long since I had smelled anything like this. All at once the reality of the situation became clear to me, and I was instantly forced back into reality. Someone was smoking weed, however this time it was different. Instead of trying to find out who it was, so maybe I could get a free hit, and enjoy the feeling often described as "mellow", I was on the other side of the situation. I was the enforcer, the cop, the kill joy, THE MAN. I couldn't move. I backed away slightly. I watched as my coworkers sniffed the doors in the area. I continued to back away, slowly moving myself around the corner. There I laid my head against the wall. "I don't want to deal with this," I thought.
Finally I worked up enough courage to move myself from around the corner. The other RA's were discussing what to do. One of them gave me a strange look. He probably thought I had almost ran away from the situation. He would have been right. The decided to split into two groups. One was to go and finish our original mission (The locked out girl), the other was to call the cops. I was apart of the latter. My partner in uncrime was Justin. He looked at me and said, "Matt you call the cops and I'll call Leigh."
I replied, "NO! You call the cops. I'll call Leigh." He did both. My job became to wait by the phone in case the cops called back. Of course, I've always been the type of person who wants to be where the action is, so I called the another RA and had them sit by the phone waiting for the cops to call. When I had made it back to the situation, the cops had just arrived and they were roughing the kids up.
"You boys been smoking pot!" they asked?
"No Sir," one of the residents replied softly.
Then the two cops went into the room and closed the door. When the emerged form the scene of the crime, they had evidence and two confessions. I new I had a lot to learn before I was a true enforcer of the law. I couldn't believe that I had choked in my moment to shine. The only excuse i could find, was that I wasn't ready, I just wasn't ready.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The First Year

So this is it. My Freshmen year is basically over, and I can't believe it. What a crazy year it has been. In less than 72 hours I'm going to be home again. No more late night netflix movies. No more Chick Fil' A. No more of my extremely comfortable JMU bed, in front of my cable tv, with a high speed internet connection. No More trying to avoid the two most annoying people in our dorm every moment of every day. No more Wii Bowling. No more Halo, even though I suck at it. No more thursday night shit shows. No more flying high on a tuesday night. No more Chanellos cheesy bread. No more awkwardness between me and my past roommates. No more drunk Taco Bell. No more living with all of the same people I have been living with for the past 2/3 of a year. I know that I'll be back next year, and I know I will hang out with the friends I have made at their new apartments, but it will still be different. I'll be an RA, and I'll have to be on my best behavior...most of the time, but definitely not all. I have to say this past year, even with its ups and downs, has been a pretty awesome year in my life. I have tried, experienced, experimented, and learned so many different things. I may not have made some good choices, but it still added to the experience, and it made college what it was. I've met a great bunch of people, and I couldn't imagine of having lived in another dorm, or in poplar hall with totally different people. We are definitely an interesting community, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I am excited that summer is here, and I will have more time with my Best Friends, but I will still miss this first year.

Monday, April 14, 2008

An Innocent Nature

When you're young, you're told to stay away from the woods, to stay away from nature. Dangers await in the woods-snakes, spiders, bears. So as a child the woods are a mystical place and your mind fills the woods with magic. When you start to get older the woods become more accessible. You enter and realize that all the beauty in the world can be found in nature; that all the innocence in the world can be found in nature. Nature may grow old, but it never grows up, and as you grow up you realize this. You realize that all those years you were told to fear nature, nature was fearing you. Scared that one day you would join in with the crowd that destroys nature, that bad group of kids that live on every corner of the Earth. When you're young, you need to be taught to explore nature, to experience nature, and above all respect nature. It has given so much to us, we must give something back.

Sunday, March 16, 2008


So in my SMAD meeting the other night, I was strongly encouraged to create a blog and write in it often to keep my writing fresh. Little did he know that I already had my own blog and did write in it often, but I began to wonder what it meant to keep your writing fresh? According to fresh means retaining the original properties unimpaired. According to me, keeping your writing fresh means to continuing to be able to create with your writing. To draw, to show a new place, to introduce a new person as if they were standing right in front of you-having these abilities is continuing to keep writing fresh. Writing is kind of like an airplane, it can take you anywhere without going anywhere. Writing is a powerful tool. It can bring smiles, it can create tears, it bring Epiphanies. Writing created the world, it brought meaning and still brings meaning to everything on earth. It is something so simple that does so much. Writing, in my opinion is the greatest tool on Earth, and luckily for me, I'll be able to use the greatest tool for the rest of my days. Writing is life.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Febrile Illness: WARNING

Friday I woke up with a temp of 100.2. Within a matter of hours My temperature had risen to 102.8 and that was after taking two tylenol, my drug of choice. Finally I called my mom and asked her to come get me, that my body ached and I didn't think i would be able to drive home. She was very nice and picked me up. We drove home, where I laid down on our infamous couches when she told me that she was going to take me to the ER. I didn't want to go, but we went. I found out that I had been stricken with the Black Plague, i mean Febrile Disease, and virus that has been going around this month that has flu-like symptoms with the main difference being THERE ARE NO MEDICATIONS TO CURE YOU. I was told to take various over the counter medications and that I could be sick for 1-2 weeks. It has been I really long time since I have felt as bad as I did this past weekend. It was Hell, i even got dilusional, my mom however did not come to that conclusion and thought I was having withdrawels from some sort of drug. Right now I feel ok, besides a cough that could blow away a small nation, and low fever, and for some reason an endless amount of gas. I guess I'm writing this to say, DO NOT CONTRACT FEBRILE ILLNESS. You've been WARNED.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The City-Boy from the Country

I grew up in Louisa County Virginia. Where you ask, well it's in between Richmond and C-ville, and it is slowly growing-which I like. I like that more businesses are coming to our small town and the population is growing. I like to meet new and interesting people and the more people to meet the better. I also like the people in Louisa, maybe not all of them, but most. Small towns tend to have quirky people, and I like quirky. Besides a few other things I enjoy about living in the country, the things I don't like outweigh the things I like. I hate how i have to drive at least 30 mins to go see a movie or for any other kind of activity. Yes, I do like just having a few friends over and watching a rented movie, but there is just something special about actually going to the theater. I don't like guns, and everyone in the country seems to have a gun. I don't mind hunters, but maybe there good be like a check out system or something during hunting season, guns are just bad. I hate curvy roads, I guess because I'm not that great of a driver. I hate how some people in rural areas are still prejudice. My uncle constantly says the N word, and my Nanny still says colored. I can't stand it. I just learned today that Southern Baptist Churches aren't just baptist because they believed God wanted White men to own slaves. I respect people's beliefs, but I hate it when they put their personal beliefs in everything that they do i.e. Mr. Wills. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I was able to experience the country. I like being outside on nice days, swimming at lake Ana, reading in the hammock, seeing fire works in someone's back yard, but the living the country life as a whole just isn't for me. I know when i go to the city many people think i will, but i will never forget where i came from and the people that were there with me. I'm a city boy at heart with very strong country roots.

Thursday, February 7, 2008


Wednesday, February 6, 2008

On the Set

This may sound weird, but I often feel like my life is movie. There are some sweet moments in my life that are just picture perfect, then there is drama that take me on so many twist and turns I'm left trying to figure out how to get back to normal, and then there are times when things make for an awkward, but funny situation. For example, when we went on our trip to the James River. We were having a great time. It was a nice day, we were jumping rocks, and exploring old buildings. Of course behind the fun of that day, there was me awkwardly, but nicely trying to get away from one particular person who cold not keep there hands off of me.

Another scene in my life that I will never forget, is the last day Jordan, Nichole, and I spent together before we all left for college. It was a tuesday, and after spending the day together, I had to leave to go have my "last" meal with the family (HOME-MADE Chicken Noodle Soup). As i was leaving we all hugged, and then, I would try and go, but we would just end up hugging. Finally i made it down the stairs, and I stopped, and looked back up to a crying Nichole and Jordan. I didn't want to leave, I felt like I was leaving them forever, i guess because thats how dramatic that moment was, but i couldn't move. I just stood there and all three of us stared at each other, and finally I said, "see you later," and left. It was a bitter sweet moment because I new I wasn't leaving them forever, but for once in the past three years for Nichole, and the past six yeas for Jordan we were gonna be apart. I think about that moment often.

Another scene in my life that was just picture perfect was when Ember, Josh, and I went to see Rendition. It wasn't the movie that made the night good, it was the company. The three of us were sitting at Chipolte's outside in great weather, just laughing and talking, and for a moment I forgot that i had ever left for college. I felt like it was summer again, and we were just having a typical weekend. It was perfect.

And then there is the drama that seems to constantly force its way in. There is Octoberfest ( no need to go into detail), random misunderstandings between friends, founding out who people really are, me snorting a perkeset (however you spell it), and the other things I try not to think about.

In the end I guess that's life. My life isn't like a movie, but Movie's are like my life.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Phone Call

I told my mom I drink
She didn't know what to think
I'm sure she's not very happy
and most likely told my pappy
I guess i'm no longer there boy
Because I act so stupid and coy
But I don't care how it looks
cause the Bitch hacked into my facebook
I don't know what to think
Guess I'll just sit and drink

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Brand New Everyday

Wake up. Roll over. Sleep. The alarm goes off and I smack the snooze. I fall back into a dream I was having about drinking Bourbon at my house why my dad is home. A lot if people are sitting in the living room drinking tea except for one person who has a clear plastic cup of bourbon. My dad enters the living room from my parents bedroom. He sees all of the cups and notices the one with the darker liquid. He makes a joke about how that doesn't look like tea, and then moves on to the kitchen. Wake up. Roll over. I wonder if my dream is a sign of things to come. The alarm goes off and This time I know I have to get up. I roll out of bed and try to figure out what day it is. I realize I have my gym class so I put on sweat pants and a t-shirt, grab a water, and head out the door. As I walk to my class I look at the frozen lake and wonder if the ice would break if i tried to stand on it....After class i go to the gym, like i do every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday....After the gym I grab a salad to go from Mrs. Greens and head back to my dorm to eat, shower, and do some work. I check my facebook, talk online, try and call Ember, and eventually I eat, shower, and do some work. I begin to think about routines. I like having a routine because every day when I wake up I know where I'm going and what I'm going to do. But does a routine mean that my life is less boring. Is it better to live a life of uncertainty, and to always have lots of surprises? While thinking all of this through it hit me. NO! It's not better, it's worse. Although I have a routine it is different everyday. Everyday i meet someone new, I do something different, and I say different things. I think it is impossible to not have a routine, because isn't not having a routine, just having a routine with the mindset that you don't have a routine. Which brings me to this conclusion. My life is not boring, it's interesting, it's exciting, it's brand new everyday.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

A proper fuck

So over break I found out that I was getting a new roommate and I started freaking out. I just knew that I was going to get, and Violet's mom couldn't have put it any better, a homeschooler from Nelson county. However, my new roommate is not from nelson county, in fact he is form no where close. He is an international student all the way from London and he's pretty cool guy. So far i have learned that "The pound is higher than the dolla Holla," british people aren't meant to say, "Does he want to tap dat ass," and that in London they call poeple "proper fucks." Also, when it comes to soccer, or futbol, my favorite team is West Ham and all the other England teams suck, or I guess I could say are a bunch of proper fucks. I have also came to the conclusion that breakfeast is a big deal because my roomate eats it every morning. I asked him how many people were in the dining hall when he ate breakfeast and he said about nine. I bet their all british, or just weird Americans. Something else I'm just learning is that my new roommate also talks in his sleep, which is doing right now. Overall I'm all ready liking this semester more than last, and I think it has something to do with the new kid.

Monday, January 7, 2008


Last night I did something pretty stupid. I was a little tipsy and I was told that it wasn't harmful, that it was similar to something else. So I did it without thinking twice. And like I always do i texted those that mean the most to me to tell them about this new experiment. This is what I realized friends are for. They collectively made me realize how stupid I had been to do what i did. One even said that our friendship would end if i ever did it again, although they have yet to talk to me. THis also made me realize something about myself. Am I that much of a pushover, or did I make a decision on my own? All in all I know that i did one thing-I made a mistake, a big one. For something that was free, it cost so much.