Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Mamie Johnson

I often think about how my life was 15 years ago. It was so simple. My Granny was still alive. She was the sweetest woman I've ever known. She loved me so much and i loved going over to see her. She was always prepared to make me some soup or mayonnaise and crackers, mmmmm. I remember when she had her knee surgery she had to live with us, since my drunk uncle of couldn't take proper care of her. I stayed by her bedside, getting her whatever she needed. She called me her little doctor. Maybe thats why i always have the constant urge to fix things, solve problems, repair relationships. When she died I was one said eight year old. I always felt that song, "holes in the floor of heaven," was about me. I'm pretty sure I cried for two days straight, and the worst part was that i hadn't been allowed to see her one last time. Instead my nanny picked me up from the babysitter and told me my parents were at the hospital and I couldn't go. That night i fell asleep in my parents bed, hugging Mr. Bear as tight as possible. The next morning when I woke up, i saw my parents coming towards their room. As soon as i saw them, their faces said it all. I began to cry. I often wonder if she hadn't died, what she would think of me now? Would she be proud? Would she approve of me? Would I have turned out differently if she had been there all of my life. I still miss her. I can't believe its been 10 years. Life has gotten a lot more complicated. Life has become busy, filled with appointments and deadlines. Life has become about working hard in order to see the ones you love. Maybe one day I'll get to see my Granny again. It's a nice thought. Although every time it rains, I know it's just my granny, looking down, wishing she could be here now. Like I said, it's a nice thought. It's a nice thought.

1 comment:

Ember said...

i'm sure your granny would be proud of you. even the dumbest of your decisions--she'd love you. cause duh, youre her grandson. our family members have no choice but to love us. friends come and go, your family members stay with you forever.