Monday, May 31, 2010

My friendship Melting pot

Peru, Poland, Turkey. Black, White, Asian. Introverts, extroverts, somewhere in between. I've noticed, that after years of meeting and making friends, I have a melting pot of friendships. I have friends that act like 40 year olds and I have friends that I can stay up all night with. There are friends I can tell everything to and there are friends who would judge me if I told them everything. When I think about all of my friends, 531 one of them according to Facebook, I realize, not what I've learned from them, but how I am around them.

For example, I have a friend who, to be cliche, can't handle the truth. If you make a suggestion or offer an alternative view point from theirs, they jump down your throat. So around that friend, I just let them think whatever they want to think and I keep my mouth shut.

Another good friend of mine, is a 40-something stuck in a 20-something's body. They tire easy, and can't stay up too late. When I'm around that friend, I hang with them while they can hang with me. I don't push them to much, or they'd get mad.

I guess what I'm getting from all of this, is that I'm able to adjust to meet the needs of those around me. I'm able learn the ways of others and change into the person they need be to be.

A best friend of mine once told me that I acted differently around other people. I didn't understand what she meant. Now I do. There are some friends, I can't be me around. I have to be the person they need me to be. And then I have those friends that I can be me around. Those friends are my best friends. They're my favorite part of my friendship melting pot. They may not be the most diverse, but they certainly are the best.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

An Audience

I've learned lately that I have a growing audience, and I began to think about how this makes me feel. You might think that's the point of having a blog. Which is a good assumption, however I'm not so sure those were my intentions. I initially created this blog as a creative form of stress relief. I enjoy writing, and I often use it as a form of relaxation, thus this blog. When this was created I only had two followers and only my good friend Ember stuck around. However, within the past six months my page views has spiked by about 150. I've been trying to figure out why? The answer to that I still haven't figured out, but it has got me thinking about the way I use my blog. Should I continue with my current format of random thoughts and feelings? Or should I focus more on one thing? Creative work, television, movies, etc. But then I realized, if people didn't want to read what I was writing, they wouldn't continue to read my blog. That's when I realized what I was really worried about. I was worried that, instead of my normal non-judging friend audience, I now have readers who were judging what and the way I write. I want to impress people. I don't want them to read what I write and think it's stupid. Epiphany. My personality often gets in the way. I worry to much about what people think of me, and sometimes, I really shouldn't care. To make a throw back to my first post-this is me.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


I use to believe in no regrets. The past was the past and the future was right around the corner. The past was back in some alley I would never walk through again. Well lately, I've been walking through those alleys, seeing things that I missed during that first time through. Learning about myself and the person that I've become. I've been through a lot of dark alleys, but luckily for me a lot of very bright alleys. I've met so many people in the streets of my life. Some bad, more good. People are what I live for. Meeting them, talking to them, knowing them. I find comfort in others, peace in others, life. Not everyone I've met has brought me those things. Some have brought me pain, anger and tears. Some have left me feeling alone and forgotten, but one thing I've learned while revisiting my past avenues, is that I'm never alone. I'm never without comfort and peace. Whether it's from the smile of the woman at the checkout counter or the voice of a friend singing her favorite song. People can get you down. Way down. But more importantly, they can pick you up. They can hold you and love you. If you go back and look over the ditches you've fallen in that align the roads of life, it was people who pulled you out. Who pushed you forward. Who got you around that sharp curve. I want to thank those people, and I regret not thanking you before.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Wrong? Definitely Not

So I'm marking my big 2010 blogger return with a bit of vengeance. The other day someone told me that I was wrong and I just didn't want to admit it. This of course, kinda pissed me off and filled me with questions. How do they know that I secretly think that I'm wrong? Can they read minds? Do they have a secret device that allows them to read minds? When have ever not freely shared my opinion or admitted when I'm wrong? I know it sucks being wrong, but I have no problem admitting it, however in this particular case I'm not wrong. I've always believed that everyone can have their own opinion and that people should shares those opinions and have a dialogue expressing their views. However telling someone they are wrong, without giving any reasons isn't sharing a view, it's an attack. It's a form of bullying and it's a sad try to get a rise and response out of someone. It's not trying to begin a smart conversation about opposing views. However, since becoming a young adult, I've become less and less surprised at finding so many toddlers pretending to be grown ups.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


When I was little my adopted grandfather, Cliff, took me fishing. We went out on this small boat and finished for the better part of the day. I got so frustrated because every time I caught a fish he would make throw it back. I eventually got to the point of not seeing the purpose of fishing. Now that I'm in college, i've done my fair share of fishing. I feel a tug. It feels pretty good. I'm reeling it in, and then the line breaks. OR. I don't get any bites. OR. I get nibble. Then it's pulling hard. I'm reeling it in and everything is going great. Every thing is as it should be. Things are started to look up. I start to feel good about this one. I start to think I've finally caught something worth keeping. But then I reel it in. And I hear a voice that says throw it back in. Sometimes i keep it, thinking it will be OK. But that voice is right. I realize that the voice is right. So I toss it back, or it flops back in the water all by itself. And I keep fishin'. Hoping that one day, I'll catch something I can keep. Something worth taking back home. Until then, if you're looking for me, I'll be fishin'.

Friday, October 16, 2009


So I cried once. A long time ago. A warm day with clouds.
They came. The tears did. It was strange, because they were real.
They were for someone else. Someone real. Someone here.
I was helpless. But that was back then. When I cared.
But I don't anymore. It gone. Those feelings.
I tell myself.
I look at others. FInd others. Seek out others.
I'm well. Better even. A lot better. No more crying.
No more. We are no more.
The past. I think of it. It comes up. In my mind.
I try not to. But it happens. I get sad. A little.
I force it out.
I'm better. I'm better. I. Am. better.
But, yea. I cried once. A long time ago. It's been a while since then.
I'm still letting go.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Random Facts

Random Facts with Matt.

The busier you are, the less your mind wanders.