Untitled

I thought I had it figured out....thats what i get for thinking.

stuck

It's strange. I never thought it were true. But it is. It's there. I can feel it. I know it. Sometimes I can see it. So it's definitely there. But why. Why is it there? Why did it get there? WHY WON'T IT LEAVE? If someone doesn't want something why would they still have it. Throw it away. Get rid of it. Make it stop. But it doesn't. It reaches up and takes hold of everything. It grasps everything. It doesn't let go. It won't let go. And then it sinks it. It becomes accepted. The fighting stops and it become accepted. It becomes you. But then, out of nowhere, it lets go, for just a second and then it grabs back on. But hope arises and the fight continues once again. But this time it's more violent. The blows are harder and the mind overflows with confusion. It gets cloudy, so cloudy that nothing is visible. And it repeats. Over and over until it becomes routine. Until it becomes to much. And then, and then.....you're trapped. You're trapped. You are trapped. I am trapped.

RA Life-Episode One

It's the first night with residents and I am, once again, responding to a resident who's JAC card is not letting them into their dorm. This time however, three of my fellow RA's join me in this latest quest. I, as usual, am in the back of the pack when the three in front of me suddenly stop. At first I'm confused. The girl that was locked-out was through the next door, not in the hallway that we had all just frozen in. Then it hit me. It was this kind of sweet grassy smell. I closed my eyes and took it in. It had been so long since I had smelled anything like this. All at once the reality of the situation became clear to me, and I was instantly forced back into reality. Someone was smoking weed, however this time it was different. Instead of trying to find out who it was, so maybe I could get a free hit, and enjoy the feeling often described as "mellow", I was on the other side of the situation. I was the enforcer, the cop, the kill joy, THE MAN. I couldn't move. I backed away slightly. I watched as my coworkers sniffed the doors in the area. I continued to back away, slowly moving myself around the corner. There I laid my head against the wall. "I don't want to deal with this," I thought.
Finally I worked up enough courage to move myself from around the corner. The other RA's were discussing what to do. One of them gave me a strange look. He probably thought I had almost ran away from the situation. He would have been right. The decided to split into two groups. One was to go and finish our original mission (The locked out girl), the other was to call the cops. I was apart of the latter. My partner in uncrime was Justin. He looked at me and said, "Matt you call the cops and I'll call Leigh."
I replied, "NO! You call the cops. I'll call Leigh." He did both. My job became to wait by the phone in case the cops called back. Of course, I've always been the type of person who wants to be where the action is, so I called the another RA and had them sit by the phone waiting for the cops to call. When I had made it back to the situation, the cops had just arrived and they were roughing the kids up.
"You boys been smoking pot!" they asked?
"No Sir," one of the residents replied softly.
Then the two cops went into the room and closed the door. When the emerged form the scene of the crime, they had evidence and two confessions. I new I had a lot to learn before I was a true enforcer of the law. I couldn't believe that I had choked in my moment to shine. The only excuse i could find, was that I wasn't ready, I just wasn't ready.

The First Year

So this is it. My Freshmen year is basically over, and I can't believe it. What a crazy year it has been. In less than 72 hours I'm going to be home again. No more late night netflix movies. No more Chick Fil' A. No more of my extremely comfortable JMU bed, in front of my cable tv, with a high speed internet connection. No More trying to avoid the two most annoying people in our dorm every moment of every day. No more Wii Bowling. No more Halo, even though I suck at it. No more thursday night shit shows. No more flying high on a tuesday night. No more Chanellos cheesy bread. No more awkwardness between me and my past roommates. No more drunk Taco Bell. No more living with all of the same people I have been living with for the past 2/3 of a year. I know that I'll be back next year, and I know I will hang out with the friends I have made at their new apartments, but it will still be different. I'll be an RA, and I'll have to be on my best behavior...most of the time, but definitely not all. I have to say this past year, even with its ups and downs, has been a pretty awesome year in my life. I have tried, experienced, experimented, and learned so many different things. I may not have made some good choices, but it still added to the experience, and it made college what it was. I've met a great bunch of people, and I couldn't imagine of having lived in another dorm, or in poplar hall with totally different people. We are definitely an interesting community, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I am excited that summer is here, and I will have more time with my Best Friends, but I will still miss this first year.

An Innocent Nature

When you're young, you're told to stay away from the woods, to stay away from nature. Dangers await in the woods-snakes, spiders, bears. So as a child the woods are a mystical place and your mind fills the woods with magic. When you start to get older the woods become more accessible. You enter and realize that all the beauty in the world can be found in nature; that all the innocence in the world can be found in nature. Nature may grow old, but it never grows up, and as you grow up you realize this. You realize that all those years you were told to fear nature, nature was fearing you. Scared that one day you would join in with the crowd that destroys nature, that bad group of kids that live on every corner of the Earth. When you're young, you need to be taught to explore nature, to experience nature, and above all respect nature. It has given so much to us, we must give something back.

Writing

So in my SMAD meeting the other night, I was strongly encouraged to create a blog and write in it often to keep my writing fresh. Little did he know that I already had my own blog and did write in it often, but I began to wonder what it meant to keep your writing fresh? According to dictionary.com fresh means retaining the original properties unimpaired. According to me, keeping your writing fresh means to continuing to be able to create with your writing. To draw, to show a new place, to introduce a new person as if they were standing right in front of you-having these abilities is continuing to keep writing fresh. Writing is kind of like an airplane, it can take you anywhere without going anywhere. Writing is a powerful tool. It can bring smiles, it can create tears, it bring Epiphanies. Writing created the world, it brought meaning and still brings meaning to everything on earth. It is something so simple that does so much. Writing, in my opinion is the greatest tool on Earth, and luckily for me, I'll be able to use the greatest tool for the rest of my days. Writing is life.

Febrile Illness: WARNING

Friday I woke up with a temp of 100.2. Within a matter of hours My temperature had risen to 102.8 and that was after taking two tylenol, my drug of choice. Finally I called my mom and asked her to come get me, that my body ached and I didn't think i would be able to drive home. She was very nice and picked me up. We drove home, where I laid down on our infamous couches when she told me that she was going to take me to the ER. I didn't want to go, but we went. I found out that I had been stricken with the Black Plague, i mean Febrile Disease, and virus that has been going around this month that has flu-like symptoms with the main difference being THERE ARE NO MEDICATIONS TO CURE YOU. I was told to take various over the counter medications and that I could be sick for 1-2 weeks. It has been I really long time since I have felt as bad as I did this past weekend. It was Hell, i even got dilusional, my mom however did not come to that conclusion and thought I was having withdrawels from some sort of drug. Right now I feel ok, besides a cough that could blow away a small nation, and low fever, and for some reason an endless amount of gas. I guess I'm writing this to say, DO NOT CONTRACT FEBRILE ILLNESS. You've been WARNED.