Fishin'

When I was little my adopted grandfather, Cliff, took me fishing. We went out on this small boat and finished for the better part of the day. I got so frustrated because every time I caught a fish he would make throw it back. I eventually got to the point of not seeing the purpose of fishing. Now that I'm in college, i've done my fair share of fishing. I feel a tug. It feels pretty good. I'm reeling it in, and then the line breaks. OR. I don't get any bites. OR. I get nibble. Then it's pulling hard. I'm reeling it in and everything is going great. Every thing is as it should be. Things are started to look up. I start to feel good about this one. I start to think I've finally caught something worth keeping. But then I reel it in. And I hear a voice that says throw it back in. Sometimes i keep it, thinking it will be OK. But that voice is right. I realize that the voice is right. So I toss it back, or it flops back in the water all by itself. And I keep fishin'. Hoping that one day, I'll catch something I can keep. Something worth taking back home. Until then, if you're looking for me, I'll be fishin'.

So

So I cried once. A long time ago. A warm day with clouds.
They came. The tears did. It was strange, because they were real.
They were for someone else. Someone real. Someone here.
I was helpless. But that was back then. When I cared.
But I don't anymore. It gone. Those feelings.
I tell myself.
I look at others. FInd others. Seek out others.
I'm well. Better even. A lot better. No more crying.
No more. We are no more.
The past. I think of it. It comes up. In my mind.
I try not to. But it happens. I get sad. A little.
I force it out.
I'm better. I'm better. I. Am. better.
But, yea. I cried once. A long time ago. It's been a while since then.
I'm still letting go.

Random Facts

Random Facts with Matt.

The busier you are, the less your mind wanders.

Junior Year

Ok, it's Junior year and I'm swamped. I in a meeting. I'm in class. I'm on duty. There's no time to be with friends. There's no time to think. There's no time to breathe. Surprisingly, I'm OK with it all. I think i might like being busy, for now. As I sit here, procrastinating, sickened by the thought that a resident of mine gets paid $800 a month to have a blog. Anyways, I'm busy and I like it. I honestly haven't watched TV in like 2 weeks, honest. That's a long time for me. The new TV season is about to start and I don't know when I'll be able to watch TV, and I think I'm OK with that. (Of course I will be watching LOST and Chuck when they return next year.) Tomorrow my office hours begin weighing down a hell of a lot more busy on my shoulders. I'm excited. Am I crazy? Nope, I'm just quirky and awkward. Or as I told a friend once, I'm not on drugs, I'm just socially awkward. Speaking of friends I really miss my Louisa Friends. Even though we are far apart I still feel pretty close to them. But along with a new year, comes new friends. For once, I feel like I know to many people. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying, my phone never stops buzzin. I stay invisible on aim b/c if I'm not I'd never get any work done. Even my residents are constantly bothering me. Again, I'm not complaining, they all seem really cool, and they all really like their RA. As of now though, My junior year is off to a great start. I can't wait to see where it takes me. How will this chapter in my life end. I"m always wondering if a year from now will I still be hanging out with the people I'm hanging out with now. I put my Louisa Friends in a different category, I consider them family. As the old saying goes, Friends come and go, but but family lasts forever. So Hey Junior Year, let's have some fun.

Friends

The other day I heard someone say, "Why can't I have perfect friends?!"

Why you ask? Because they don't exist. No one is perfect, especially a friendship. A good friendship is looking over someone's imperfections and appreciating them no matter what. It's not exploding when they do that one thing that annoys you, but instead loving them more because it makes them, them.

Also A perfect friendship is you personally realizing that you're not perfect. Lord knows I'm not, in fact far from it. I know that i make weird, inappropriate comments, references no one gets, and sometimes come off as overly optimistic. But that's me. My friends have accepted that, just like i've accepted their imperfections.

A friendship is about being there for each other, no matter what. It's about having a bond that doesn't break, even after months of not seeing each other.

There is no perfect friend. There is however, a perfect friendship. I would know, I have one.

I'm just a little...

Nostalgia. It can happen at the rarest moments. Just the other day I was in target and I saw these kids, who were obviously high school students, and it took me back two years to my senior year. I remembered all of the trips to target and all the movies we saw, good and bad, and It reminded me how much I miss hanging out with my best friends every friday night.

The other day I was walking to class and the smell of hot pavement hit me. I instantly remembered all of the trips my family use to take to Kings Dominion. We would always pack a picnic and eat lunch out in the parking lot. And every time we went I would try to convince my parents to ride a roller coaster with me, but always failed.

Last Thursday I was at the gym, and the chlorine from the pool reached out and grabbed my mind. I was at Jordans last summer. We were all swimming in their pool. Playing kings, drinking bud light, sharing secrets and laughing. I realized that we have very few of those nights left, if any. I'm really going to miss them.

I now that as we get older, and our lives begin to move in different directions, some people begin to move apart. I don't think that we're like that. I think that the longer we are away from each other the more we appreciate our friendship. I've found some great friends here at school, but they are nothing compared to the friends I had before I graced this school. I know that we will have the rest of our lives together, but I'm still going to miss the past. Miss seeing everyone every day. Those late nights on the porch. Those weekly trips to regal cinemas. Those bagel bite/mozzarella stick lunches at my house. They will be missed. I know that we will create new traditions. I guess I'm just feeling a little nostalgic.

Halfway Through

It's April of 2009 and I can't believe that I was in high school not one year ago, but two. When you're young time seems to creep. It crawls. Everything seems to take forever. That trip to kings dominion only a day away might as well be two years away. The car ride to the beach feels like 5 days instead of just five hours. The sunday sermon seems to take an hour instead of 20 minutes. But once you hit a certain point in your life all of that changes. Time finally lifts off the ground and never stops. Maybe it's because at some point we all change. We begin to see things in a different light. We begin to find ourselves and find who we are. Maybe time is only slow in the beginning because it's waiting for us to figure out ourselves. Maybe it's waiting for us to get a grasp on life. And once we finally get a firm grip (or what appears to be a firm grip) time speeds up. I feel, for the first time in my life that time is flying, and all I can think about is how much I want it to slow back down. I want it to be last summer again. I wish last summer could have lasted for a year, just like those trips to kings dominion. I don't want to wake up tomorrow as a 40 year old. I want to wake up in my bed back home. Take a shower. Go to work. Come home and then leave to go be with the people I love most. Where did the time go? I can't believe I'm halfway through.